Month: May 2025

Lately, a particular kind of weariness has settled deep in my bones. It’s not just the fatigue of navigating a world that often misunderstands or undervalues Black lives; it’s a specific kind of exhaustion that hits closer to home. It’s a fatigue born from seeing something that breaks my heart repeatedly: videos of Black people fighting each other, killing each other, and harming our own.
Every time another clip surfaces, another news report details a tragic loss, another senseless act of violence within our communities, a wave of despair washes over me. It’s a profound sadness, a raw frustration that screams, “Enough!” We are battling so much from the outside – systemic injustices, racial prejudice, the constant pressure to prove our worth. To then turn around and see us turn that pain and anger inward… it’s a burden almost too heavy to bear.
This isn’t about pointing fingers or shaming. It’s about acknowledging a deep wound that needs healing. It’s about the truth that while external forces absolutely contribute to our struggles, we also have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other.
One of the most critical lessons we need to collectively embrace is the power of emotional control. We are human, and emotions run high. We experience anger, frustration, jealousy, and fear, just like anyone else. But for Black people, the stakes of unchecked emotions can feel devastatingly high. When conflicts arise, when disagreements fester, when pride takes over, are we reaching for understanding, or are we reaching for destruction?
The reality is, we often carry immense trauma – historical, intergenerational, and current. We live with the weight of expectations, the sting of discrimination, and the constant fight for dignity. It’s understandable that sometimes, that pressure can manifest in unhealthy ways. But understanding it doesn’t excuse it. We owe it to ourselves, to our ancestors, and to future generations to break this cycle. (Stop, Think, and Breathe and Make the Right Choice)
We need to learn to pause.
We need to learn to listen.
We need to learn to de-escalate.
We need to learn to forgive.
This isn’t easy work. It requires introspection, community dialogue, and a commitment to new ways of being. It means teaching our children, and ourselves, how to resolve conflict without violence, how to express frustration without resorting to harm, and how to value every single Black life as precious.
My Black fatigue comes from seeing us hurting ourselves. But my hope comes from believing in our collective power to heal. Let’s channel that frustration into constructive action. Let’s transform our pain into purpose. Let’s learn to master our emotions, not be mastered by them. Only then can we truly build the strong, peaceful, and thriving communities we all deserve.
What are your thoughts? How can we, as a community, foster greater emotional intelligence and internal peace?

That furrowed brow. The crossed arms. The dramatic sigh that could rival a Shakespearean tragedy. As parents, we’ve all been there. Our child is not happy with us. Maybe it’s because we said no to that extra screen time, insisted on vegetables with dinner, or enforced a consequence for a broken rule. In those moments, a little pang of guilt or anxiety can creep in. We love our kids, and the thought of them being upset with us can be genuinely uncomfortable.

But here’s a truth we all need to embrace: it’s okay when your child is mad at you. In fact, sometimes, it’s a sign you’re doing your job.

As the grown-ups in the relationship, we carry the responsibility of guiding, protecting, and preparing our children for the world. This often means making decisions that aren’t immediately popular. We set boundaries for their safety, teach them responsibility through chores and consequences, and encourage healthy habits even when they’d rather do something else. These decisions, while crucial for their well-being, won’t always be met with cheers and high-fives.

Think about it. If we always gave in to our children’s every desire, what would that teach them? They might learn that their feelings are the only ones that matter, or that rules are meant to be broken if they protest loudly enough. As much as we want to see our kids happy, our primary role isn’t to be their best friend all the time. It’s to be their parent – their steady guide, even when the path involves a few bumps of disappointment.

Why those “hard no’s” are important:

• Safety: Saying no to dangerous activities or unhealthy choices is non-negotiable. Their immediate frustration is a small price to pay for their well-being.
• Learning boundaries: Understanding that there are limits and that not every desire can be fulfilled is a crucial life lesson.
• Developing resilience: Experiencing disappointment and navigating negative emotions helps children build emotional strength and coping skills.
• Respect for authority: Learning to respect the decisions of their parents lays the foundation for respecting other authority figures later in life.

Navigating the storm (without losing yourself):

• Listen (without necessarily caving): Acknowledge their feelings. Say things like, “I understand you’re upset that you can’t have more screen time.” This validates their emotion without changing the boundary.
• Explain your reasoning (simply and age-appropriately): Help them understand the “why” behind your decision. “We need to turn off the TV now so your eyes can rest before bed.”
• Stay calm: Your reaction will influence theirs. If you get defensive or angry, the situation will likely escalate.
• Don’t take it personally: Their anger is often directed at the situation, not necessarily at you as a person.
• Reassure them of your love: Even when they’re upset, make sure they know you love them unconditionally. “I love you, and that’s why I need you to finish your homework before playing.”

Parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It’s a journey of guiding, nurturing, and sometimes, yes, disappointing our children in the short term for their long-term benefit. So, the next time you face a grumpy face or hear a frustrated sigh, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you’re doing what you believe is best. It’s okay for them to be mad. It means they’re learning, and you’re growing as a parent too. You’ve got this.