We all want our children to grow into kind, honest, and responsible adults. We tell them about the importance of telling the truth, being fair, and following the rules. We strive to instill in them a strong moral center, a compass that guides them toward good choices even when we’re not around. But sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of daily life, we might inadvertently chip away at the very foundation we’re trying to build.
Our children are always watching. They are sponges, absorbing not just our words, but more importantly, our actions. They are learning about right and wrong, not just from our lectures, but from how we navigate the world ourselves.
Consider these everyday scenarios:
- “Tell them I’m not home.” When we ask our children to lie on our behalf, even about something seemingly small, we send a confusing message. We’re essentially telling them that honesty is conditional, and that sometimes, it’s okay to bend the truth for convenience. This undermines the very concept of integrity we wish them to embrace.
- “Just say you’re five instead of six for the free meal.” This might seem like a harmless way to save a few dollars, but to a child, it teaches that deception is acceptable if there’s a personal gain. It blurs the lines between honesty and dishonesty and can lead to a sense that rules are meant to be circumvented rather than respected.
- “Just cross here, it’s quicker than the crosswalk.” While seemingly innocuous, this teaches disregard for safety rules and community norms. It suggests that personal convenience outweighs established guidelines for public safety. More broadly, it can instill a subtle disrespect for authority and a tendency to prioritize shortcuts over responsible behavior.
The famous musical “Into the Woods” features a poignant song with the repeated lyric, “Careful the things you say, children will listen.” This isn’t just about spoken words; it extends to every unspoken lesson we impart through our behavior. Our children are listening, watching, and internalizing.
So, how can we truly build that strong moral center?
It starts with us. It requires conscious effort and a commitment to embodying the values we want our children to hold.
- Be a role model of honesty: Let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no. If you make a mistake, admit it. Show them that honesty, even when difficult, is always the best policy.
- Demonstrate integrity: Follow the rules, even when no one is watching. Pay your fair share, respect public spaces, and show integrity in all your dealings.
- Prioritize safety and respect for rules: Explain why crosswalks and other safety rules are important. Show them that rules are there to protect us and create an orderly society.
- Talk about choices: When situations arise, discuss the ethical implications of different choices. Ask them, “What do you think is the right thing to do here and why?”
- Apologize when you falter: We’re all human, and we will make mistakes. When you do, apologize to your children. This models humility and teaches them that it’s okay to acknowledge and learn from errors.
Building a moral center in our children isn’t about perfection; it’s about consistency and intentionality. It’s about recognizing that every action we take, every choice we make, is a lesson being taught. Let’s be mindful of the lessons we’re imparting and ensure that our actions are consistently reinforcing the values we want our children to carry with them throughout their lives. Because when it comes to character, our children are indeed watching, and they are listening.
Demby's Playful Parables 